How To Handle A Toddler And His Tantrums
At the age of two they are just adorable and at the same time an endurance test for your frayed nerves. Reason being they are too energetic and equally difficult to communicate to. But here are some tips to make the terrible twos a little less terrible.
To begin with, don’t be taken in by their tiny size and innocent looks. They may not know many things, but there’s one talent they are born with. They know exactly how to manipulate you to get what they want! And, they will go to any extent to get it - throwing a tantrum is the easiest of them all.
So, the best way to deal with them is to play the game by their rules: Treat them as you would treat an older child. Here are the basics:
A. First, be very clear about what behaviors you will accept and what you won’t. Avoid the non-essentials and focus on the important issues.
B. Be clear about your instructions - say what you mean, and mean what you say. Say it once and don’t repeat yourself.
C. However, make sure you do as you have said.
D. Yes, you can use time out with little ones: but instead of sending them to their room, how about using a “manners chair”? Here is how it works:
Buy a small child’s chair and put it in a corner in the room. Whenever your child disobeys your clear instructions purposefully, send him/her to sit in the chair. Use the same words every time you send the child to the chair, so that the chair becomes a reformatory of sorts. For instance, you can say, ‘You seem to have lost your good manners again. You had better go and sit in the chair until you find them again.’
Once they have found their manners - as evidenced by compliance or better behavior or them telling you so, then they can come off the chair. In the meantime you ignore them. Especially if they are fussing or whining.
It is important to keep this little exercise lighthearted lest it weighs heavy on the child’s mind. Try finding their manners for them, for instance. Look for them everywhere and make it into a game. This will prevent any further tantrums and help develop a more positive attitude. It’s good for your nerves too.
After this little game, you can bring them back to the instruction you had earlier given and get that done whether it is finishing the meal or apologizing to the sister for thumping her!
Unlike with normal time-out (where it is a clear connection with bad behavior = miss out on fun by being in time out), with the manners chair you CAN ask them to apologize, or otherwise revisit the incident, since the evidence of them having found their manners is a return of compliant polite behavior. If they still refuse, then they clearly didn’t find their manners, so they need to go back to the manners chair and have another look.
You will need to maintain a fine balance between fun and serious correction of behavior. Don’t let it become too much of a game by giving a lot of attention to find their manners. Watch your child intently and act accordingly. If it is getting serious, bring in the fun; if it’s becoming funny, drive home the purpose of the manners chair.
This helps you remain calm and have a positive attitude. Let your child know you love him but you will not tolerate bad manners. Also, don’t rub it in; tell him you think it was a mistake, and will be corrected. There should be no permanent scars of it.
One of the most difficult situations parents face is when your child misbehaves in public. Here too, follow the same rule as everywhere else: say what you mean, and follow up with action.
Consider the following options: 1. Take your child in a corner and tell him that you will resume the activity after he has found his manners.
2. Take them out and do a time out in the car. They are in the car, you are outside, looking AWAY from them. You stand there and you wait patiently until they are quiet. Do NOT respond or get into a “discussion” with them until the tie-out is up.
3. The last resort is to cancel the outing and go home to the manners chair.
Let me assure you that you will not have to do this many times. If you mean business, they will not disobey you. But, if you are not clear, they will go on trying to see how far they can go. For further information read my book. Here is the link:
You will find all this and much more in my book. Here is the link - you can get started today.
